who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this just has baby written all over it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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