I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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