I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
