woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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