whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
