soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
