my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
