I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
