You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
