The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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