i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize