"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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