Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
