Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
