I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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