At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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