A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
