I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize