She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
