You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
