I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
