Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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