Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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