i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
