u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
