I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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