dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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