i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I love you.
Bad choice
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