He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
