He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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