I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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