Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
