i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
