You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
