He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
