Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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