Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You don't make any sense
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