you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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