you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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