when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
