You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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