once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
