on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We are two peas in an std pod
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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