you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
