I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't deserve a penis
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
