The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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