It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
