If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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