Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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