I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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