dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
