two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
