if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
