My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
