you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize