Buhtt sex?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
