No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
