I am midnight drunk by noon
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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