his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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