Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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