This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
