come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
