stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You ate ashes out of my bong
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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