I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
