I wish my penis had an off switch
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
