By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
