he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did I show you my penis last night?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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