I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize