he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
