margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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