i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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