i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
