hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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