So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
