No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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