I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
