Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You are the jesus of drinking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think my moral compass just broke
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