Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
