I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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