i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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