I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
