hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
