Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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