3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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