Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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