i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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