last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
