I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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