Non-Jews are for practice
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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