dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
