feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
