Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
