Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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