Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
