You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
