so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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