K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
