did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
