I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
